Soviet Clone Wars
by Enthrone Darkness Triumphant
Summary: What would happen if the Seppies were Nazi's and they waged war with Mighty Soviet Republics who are led by fearless KGB Jedi's. Humor I wrote for the CAPSLOCK CW community. Ahsoka and Anakin mostly.
1. Strike

"They sent a child to destroy my station, the Soviet Union must be running out of KGB Jedi," Nazi Grievous spoke as he intercepted the commando strike force.

"You must be Nazi Genital Grievous," Ahsoka replied as she took her glorious illustrious attack stance, her wolf skin overcoat covered every inch of her body, and her rabbit fur Ushanka neatly covering her montrals and akul tooth headdress. She freaked out the KGB younglings back at the Lubyanka when she told them it was made from the capitalist separatist bunny rabbit named Bugs Bunny.

"He is just another Fascist Nazi Separatist Pig Dog of a droid comrades, lets crush and bury him." She spoke as she activated her glorious light emitting saber which she bought from Olga's Tractor Factory on the planet Stalingrad.

"FOR THE GLORY OF THE SOVIET PEOPLE," the clone Red Army troopers spoke as they slammed fresh magazines into their AK 47 blaster rifles.

Genital Grievous had just activated two of his trophy collectible KGB light emitting Cossack sabers from the KGB agents he had actually managed to kill, no thanks to the sucky spy agency the Fascists ran.

As he and Comrade Ahsoka were about to clash, the wall behind Grievous exploded as a superior soviet tank rumbled through and crushed Genital Grievous. The hatch opened and General Skywalker's glorious head poked out.

"Comrade General, vere did you find such glorious tank?" Ahsoka questioned.

"It vas in the back of Twilight all this time, it had such superior camo that ve did not see glorious tank, by the vill of Lenin I managed to suddenly bump into it." Skywalker spoke as he eyed one of the clones prying Grievous off one of the treads. "Lets take tank and blow Inferior Capitalist Fascist Separtist Pig Dog of Station into abyss like ve did to their fleet.

"DA COMRADE GENERAL," the strike force exclaimed as they hopped onto the tank as it rumbled through the corridor blowing shit up.

~fin~


	2. Defend

"NIET, Impossible! Coruscantgrad vill not be new Auschwitz for Vookies, it is already gulag for Ziro the Nazi Hutt and his gang of Capitalist Tatooine Pig Dog of Gangsters." Comrade Dave exclaimed as he faced off against Nazi Lord Lucas. "Comrade PLO and I vill not let you do such despicable things against the Soviet Clone Wars Universe."

"Oh really!" Lord Lucas spoke as he crackled a laugh like a hAg AND wretched witch with a beard. "You two are nothing compared to my army of Evil Lesbian Robot SS Sturm Doom Troopers," as the fake wall gave way to reveal a massive force of black armour encased soldiers that looked nothing like lesbians but maybe they were like Emo Lesbian Sturm Doom Troopers.

The two noble warriors charged the evil diabolical creator of the Star Wars Universe. The army of Evil Lesbian SS Sturm Doom Troopers started firing at the warriors as they deflectED the blaster shots emanating from the MG 44 blaster rifles.

"Comrade Plo, ve cannot hold off such massive force, even Premier Vindu vould have trouble," Commie Dave spoke as he deflected the ever increasing fire of bolts coming at him as Nazi Lucas's laughter started to become more wicked and loud.

Suddenly a blast blew through the lines of the Evil Lesbian SS Sturm Doom Troopers, breaking them apart. The two warriors looked on in disbelief as an army of tanks bearing the symbol of the 501st Temple Guard Regiment rumbled THROUGH THE INFERIOR NAZI LINES, crushing the army underneath their massive treads.

"Chairman Yoda!" The two exclaimed in joy, as the regiment surrounded Nazi Lucas, the tanks bearing their massive gunz at the evil, evil man.

"Hmmm, Bury him ve must, bring harm he did to Soviet People and Fans of Star Vars." Chairman Yoda spoke as he popped his head out of a tank. "Polkovnik Rexov, arrest traitor of Soviet People."

"The massive muscular officer slaps on the cuffs while he bears the hammer on the Nazi Lucas's head and the sickle, well I wont go into were he hooks that.

"You vill kno that General Skywalker and Comrade Ahsoka have destroyed your Evil Nazi spacestation vhile they ran over Nazi Genital Grievous," Premier Vindu spoke through a hologram. "Victory to the Soviet People and fans of Star Vars, URRAAH!"

~Fin~


	3. Shield

The vast army of droids stood perfectly still as they scanned the opposing hill. The line clones in their massive greatcoats and wolf skin ushanka's gazed back at them, the crimson banners of the Soviet Union fluttered in the icy cold breeze, as the massive impregnable colourful fortress of the Kremlin gleamed against them. The Lesbian Robot SS Sturm Doom Troopers stood perfectly still because they were frozen over. The stupid Nazi's had underestimated the power of the Soviet Winter let alone the Clone Red Army. Simple anti-freeze would have fixed the problem, but without Nazi Lucas whom the army was sent to save, the Evil Fascists were in a shit vacuum for leadership.

"Should ve attack defenceless and frozen Lesbian droids Comrade General?" Ahsoka questioned as she desperately wanted to leap into combat.

"Patience my young little apprentice, ve have different plan for them," General Skywalker responded as he pointed to a giant cannon behind the Clone lines. "Premier Vindu and Chairman Yoda vish to nuke the damn Capitalist Fascist Imperialist Separatist Pig Dog of army, and I think the five-hundred megatons yield vill suffice."

"vouldn't that blow Moscowgrad too?"

"Niet! It vill only harm things that are not communist, therefore ve vill be safe from nuclear fallout and blast, PRAISE BE TO HERO LENIN AND SUPER STALIN MARIO."

"OK COMRADE!" Ahsoka disbelievingly eyed her commander, who luckly didn't see the gaze, therefore Ashoka didn't get put under the party review panel for lacking faith of soviet cause.

"OK COMRADES, On my mark, three….two…on…,"

Anakin was cut off as an epic blast rocked through the droid lines as aN entire SUPERIOR SOVIET tank division rolled through the cloud of smoke and debris.

"IN THE NAME OF LENIN'S EMBALMED BODY, VERE DO THESE TANKS KEEP COMING FROM?" General Skywalker exclaimed loudly as he wouldn't get to blow shit up with a nuke.

"Obi Van Kenobivich popped his glorious legendary bearded face out of the hatch and spoke to the friendly lines. "I didn't arrive too late, did I Comrade General?"

"VHY DO YOU HAVE TO SPOIL MY DAY MARSHALL KENOBIVICH," Anakin spoke as he stormed back to the STAVKA.


	4. Trident

THE VAST VOID OF SPACE HAD BECOME A RAGING HELL OF A BATTLEFIELD OVER THE PLANET BERLIN, EVER SINCE THE SOVIET SPACE FORCES HAD CLAWED THEIR WAY FROM THEIR EPIC VICTORY OVER THE PLANET MOSCOW FOUR YEARS PRIOR. STILL THE NAZI SPACE FORCES HELD, SLOWLY RETREATING BACKWARDS BUT INFLICTING HEAVY CASUALTIES ON THE SOVIET SIDE OF THE FORCE.

THE SOVIET UNION FOUGHT HARD FOR VICTORY, EVER SINCE THE EVIL NAZI'S HAD DECIDED TO INVADE THEIR MOTHERSPACELAND. DEFEAT AFTER DEFEAT WAS FINALLY TURNED AROUND AFTER MARSHALL KENOBSKI WAS ABLE TO CRUSH THE INVADING FORCES WITH HIS GIANT TANK ARMY. SO BEGAN THE LONG BUT ILLUSTRIOUS MARCH TO THE NAZI SPACE HEARTLAND.

--

"COMRADE GENERAL!" AHSOKA SCREAMED AS HER SUPER BATTLE CRUISER TOOK ANOTHER HIT FROM AN EVIL NAZI SPACE STATION. "VE ARE GETTING POUNDED LIKE CAPITALIST PORN STAR HERE, VE MUST RETREAT AND STRIKE BACH VITH ANOTHER PLAN."

"NIET! SOVIET FLEET NEVER RETREATS; VE SHALL HAVE VICTORY, NOTHING LESS."

"BUT COMRADE GENERAL!" ADMIRAL YULARNOV INTERJECTED AS HIS IMAGE CAME UP. "VICTORY HERE SEEMS A BIT FAR FETCHED DA; I MEAN ALL LAND VICTORIES CAME TO US BY OUR SUPERIOR TANKS SHOWING UP OUT OV NOVHERE. HOW CAN TANK SAVE US IN SPACE?"

"THAT IS VHERE I HAVOC PLAN!"

"OH NO COMRADE GENERAL!" AHSOKA SPOKE WITH A BEWILDERED LOOK ON HER FACE. "THAT TECHNOLOGY IS NEW; IT HASN'T BEEN FIELD TEST BY STATE PARTY COMMITTEE FOR BLOWING CAPITALIST, FASCIST, AND IMPERIALIST SHIT UP."

"JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD COMRADES," ANAKIN SPOKE AS HE PULLED OUT A ROUND TABLET INTO HAND, WHILST THE BACKGROUND BRIDGE LIGHTING SUDDENLY STARTED TO STROBE, GIVING BYSTANDER'S EPILEPSY. "IT'S MORPHIN TIME!"

"IS 3!" YULARNOV BELLOWED.

"M1A2!" CAPTAIN WULFFENSTEIN FOLLOWED SUIT.

"LEOPARD 2!" AHSOKA SQUEAKED

"TYPE 98!" GRAND MUFFIN TARKINSKI GROWLED

"T95 BLACK EAGLE!" ANAKIN FINISHED OFF

ALL THE OTHER SOVIET CAPTAINS FOLLOWED THEREAFTER AS ZORDON LOOKED ON, AS THE SOVIET SPACE FLEET ARMY CHOIR STARTED TO SING: "GO, GO TANKIN RANGERS, YOU MIGHT MORPHIN RIFLED BARREL RANGERS!"


End file.
